MAY: So it's just me and Denny today. We... (stares at Denny) ...I... have plans to bring someone new in next time. But considering today's subject, I really wasn't sure that I wanted to bring anybody else into this mess.
DENNY: (yawns)
MAY: Oh, come on. It's not that boring of a subject.
DENNY: No, it's not boring at all. I just think the whole scenario is stupid.
MAY: Be that as it may, we've all seen at least one movie or heard a story about how the nurse accidentally switched the babies so that they went to the wrong parents. Suppose the parents find out a year later. Should they try to correct the mixup?
DENNY: Yeah, see, that is where it falls apart for me. A year later? There is no way that anybody would figure it out by then. How would you find out? The hospital certainly won't tell you about that. I have a couple kids and have seen how busy those doctors and nurses are. They see a new person every day and when the baby goes home, the medical personnel forget all about them because there's somebody else to take care of. Names of patients and circumstances belong in the short-term file of your brain. Their own kids go in the long-term file.
MAY: It's a hypothetical situation.
DENNY: Hypothetical or not, there should be an attempt at realism. I mean, come on! When is a hospital ever going to think about a possible mistake that took place a year before. When would switching the kids at the bassinet rank in the Top 500 Priority List? If it gets there, you can guess the condition of that place.
MAY: Fine! Forget the hospital! The parents just realize something's up and discovers that the child is not yours. Do you try to correct the mistake?
DENNY: If I find out the child isn't mine, my first thought is not the hospital screwed up. My first thought is to find out who my wife was sleeping with. If I don't have the guts to ask her, I'm hiring a private investigator to check this out for me.
MAY: Are you really that insecure?
DENNY: Are you really that out-of-touch? What else am I supposed to think?
MAY: Maybe think about answering the stupid question?
DENNY: How ridiculous would that be, to try and find a kid from a year before? I don't even know how well the hospital keeps birth records that organized. And I seriously doubt they concern themselves with keeping the paperwork of Child A was assigned to Bed 2, and so on and so forth. I mean, what a waste of time.
MAY: You don't feel like there's any special bond to be kept with the child you yourself conceived?
DENNY: You'd love the conversation to go in that direction, wouldn't you?
MAY: It'd at least show you gave some thought to the real topic at hand.
DENNY: Maybe I'm just thinking outside the box.
MAY: Thinking outside the box is so overrated.
DENNY: Good luck swinging culture to that point-of-view.
MAY: Fine, if you're not going to be serious about this conversation, can I give my opinion?
DENNY: No need.
MAY: Excuse me?
DENNY: Yeah, there's no need. You're a psychic, aren't you? With your gift, you shouldn't ever have to end up in this situation. Am I right or am I right?
MAY: Oh, go home already.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Fred Rogers
Once upon a time, there was a man named Tony. Tony was a good man with an all too-kind disposition in a very not-kind world but refused to let that get him down. He had a great job as a public speaker (he literally traveled the world getting paid to talk to people) and the subject of many of his talks was about happiness. The thing that made him most happy was his family: good marriage and six kids (he's one of those kind of crazy people.)
He was out in the mid-West one day several years back (probably another of his speaking tours) and stopped in a restaurant in-between places. He had just finished his meal when he saw a familiar face. As the waitress came around, he said, "Is that Mr. Rogers?"
The waitress smiled and said, "Yes, he comes here pretty regular. He's a good friend of mine."
"You know, he did a lot of good for my kids with his television programming. Could you tell him 'thank you' for me?"
"Why don't you go over and tell him yourself?"
"Oh, I don't bother him. I'm sure he gets sick of random people like me showing up."
"No! He loves it."
After some hemming and hawing and her prodding him to get a move-on, Tony finally got up and walked to Mr. Rogers table. He did what he said he'd do: offer to shake his hand and say "thank you" for having a program that helped all his children while growing up.
Mr. Rogers smiled and asked about all six of his kids. Tony started to give a list of the names but Mr. Rogers stopped him. He grabbed a napkin and a pen and said, "Write their names down for me here." Tony complied and as soon as all six names were written, Mr. Rogers began asking about each kid, starting from the top. For several minutes, Tony answered every question about his kid and towards the end, Mr. Rogers said, "You're a great dad."
Tony was a bit stunned but he was also aware of what Mr. Rogers was doing. After all, hadn't Tony been doing public relations for a living? Mr. Rogers had asked the questions and controlled the conversation, so all they had been talking about was Tony. Tony tried to take control and asked Mr. Rogers about himself. "What brings this way?"
"I have a friend in Native American relations and he was going to show me something neat," (I paraphrase). "What brings you this way?"
And there Tony went, talking about himself with Mr. Rogers interrupting again with the same compliment as before. By the time they finished talking, Tony walked out to his car singing "It's a Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood."
***
This is a true story, by the way. I heard it almost two years ago from Tony, who I greatly respected. Now Tony is the friendliest man I've ever met and when he shared this experience, he said that Mr. Rogers was the friendliest man in the world. Indeed, Tony gave the impression that he wanted to be Mr. Rogers when he grew up.
It's been years since I watched any of his shows. I think the last time I did, I was ten. I don't believe PBS broadcasts any episodes anymore, so I'm out of luck altogether when I finally grow up and have a family, too.
What brought this up? I found a small book the other day, The World According to Fred Rogers, which is full of quotes from Mr. Rogers, regarding the most important things he ever said or did. It took me an hour to read and days to ponder over what was in there.
Since this was also a posthumous collection, there was also a sweet foreward from his widow and a biography in the back. Anyways, I highly recommend reading it and sharing it with your friends. It's a shame that the rising generation may forget what an influence he had over us, not just from his show that went throughout the world but also each soul he touched individually on the daily course of his life. Character is shown by how you conduct yourself one-on-one, not just in front of a group, and the story that I just told and was told to me is my proof that Mr. Rogers character was strong indeed.
He was out in the mid-West one day several years back (probably another of his speaking tours) and stopped in a restaurant in-between places. He had just finished his meal when he saw a familiar face. As the waitress came around, he said, "Is that Mr. Rogers?"
The waitress smiled and said, "Yes, he comes here pretty regular. He's a good friend of mine."
"You know, he did a lot of good for my kids with his television programming. Could you tell him 'thank you' for me?"
"Why don't you go over and tell him yourself?"
"Oh, I don't bother him. I'm sure he gets sick of random people like me showing up."
"No! He loves it."
After some hemming and hawing and her prodding him to get a move-on, Tony finally got up and walked to Mr. Rogers table. He did what he said he'd do: offer to shake his hand and say "thank you" for having a program that helped all his children while growing up.
Mr. Rogers smiled and asked about all six of his kids. Tony started to give a list of the names but Mr. Rogers stopped him. He grabbed a napkin and a pen and said, "Write their names down for me here." Tony complied and as soon as all six names were written, Mr. Rogers began asking about each kid, starting from the top. For several minutes, Tony answered every question about his kid and towards the end, Mr. Rogers said, "You're a great dad."
Tony was a bit stunned but he was also aware of what Mr. Rogers was doing. After all, hadn't Tony been doing public relations for a living? Mr. Rogers had asked the questions and controlled the conversation, so all they had been talking about was Tony. Tony tried to take control and asked Mr. Rogers about himself. "What brings this way?"
"I have a friend in Native American relations and he was going to show me something neat," (I paraphrase). "What brings you this way?"
And there Tony went, talking about himself with Mr. Rogers interrupting again with the same compliment as before. By the time they finished talking, Tony walked out to his car singing "It's a Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood."
***
This is a true story, by the way. I heard it almost two years ago from Tony, who I greatly respected. Now Tony is the friendliest man I've ever met and when he shared this experience, he said that Mr. Rogers was the friendliest man in the world. Indeed, Tony gave the impression that he wanted to be Mr. Rogers when he grew up.
It's been years since I watched any of his shows. I think the last time I did, I was ten. I don't believe PBS broadcasts any episodes anymore, so I'm out of luck altogether when I finally grow up and have a family, too.
What brought this up? I found a small book the other day, The World According to Fred Rogers, which is full of quotes from Mr. Rogers, regarding the most important things he ever said or did. It took me an hour to read and days to ponder over what was in there.
Since this was also a posthumous collection, there was also a sweet foreward from his widow and a biography in the back. Anyways, I highly recommend reading it and sharing it with your friends. It's a shame that the rising generation may forget what an influence he had over us, not just from his show that went throughout the world but also each soul he touched individually on the daily course of his life. Character is shown by how you conduct yourself one-on-one, not just in front of a group, and the story that I just told and was told to me is my proof that Mr. Rogers character was strong indeed.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Conversation 5: Public Endangerment
MAY: Brent elected not to join us in this discussion and I foresee him avoiding talking at any recent topics here involving Gregory Stock.
DENNY: How can that be? He started this crap, why's he not here to see it through?
MAY: Perhaps he thinks the ideas will grow best if it's just us.
DENNY: Moron. If he really thinks there's gonna be thinking around here...
JUNE: Now you two actually look cuter together than with Brent.
DENNY: I-uh-what?
MAY: Sweetie, he's married.
JUNE: Oh! I'm so sorry!
DENNY: S'all right. You didn't know.
JUNE: Oh I knew that you were married. But from what May told me about your in-laws, I thought you were getting a divorce by now.
DENNY: Huh?
MAY: No thinking around here, you hit that one on the nose. To Dr. Stock's question: we just found a cure to an extreme medical condition (you can pick which one). The cure works but one percent of the users are suffering an equally extreme side effect. Is it still okay to release--
DENNY: Absolutely.
JUNE: That's so mean!
DENNY: What? That you just saved 99 people from cancer? Or AIDS? Or whatever it is that's causing excruciating pain and death?
JUNE: No, that you're still going to let that one person possibly die from the medicine.
DENNY: That person was going to die anyway from whatever was killing them. Wouldn't you rather take a chance with a majority probability of making it than not at all?
JUNE: It's still mean. You should be looking for something for something that cures everybody.
DENNY: Not gonna happen. Doesn't happen with ordinary medicine. Heck, it doesn't with everyday food. Take peanuts, for example. Plenty of people love to eat peanuts but there are some folks out there with peanut allergies. They get a snack with peanut oil in their system and BAM they're at the ER. Does that mean we should stop selling peanuts at the grocery store?
MAY: I honestly don't see the comparison between natural-grown food and invented medicine.
DENNY: It's about knowing how your body works. Before you take any new medication, go check with your doctor and see what they have to say about the medicine and whether it's right for you. Surely, there'll be indicators to tip them to what causes the bad reaction.
MAY: You're assuming that everybody does their research.
JUNE: It's still awful. I mean, they make it. Can't they make it work for everybody?
DENNY: Do you watch TV?
JUNE: My soap operas.
MAY: Not at all.
DENNY: Really? In this country?
MAY: It's a waste of time and is only propagating the moral decadence of today's society. Why watch it when you could be doing something productive?
JUNE: You told me you didn't watch TV because it made you so mad to see stupid people make more money than you doing much less.
DENNY: Point is, you've seen those medicine commercials, correct?
JUNE: Sure.
DENNY: Thirty seconds long, fifteen seconds devoted to all the possible side effects that can get you. These are for over-the-counter drugs! What's wrong with a pill or procedure that you would have to go through a doctor to get? Just take the warning, consider it, and move forward. It'd be nice to have more options for living.
JUNE: There's still that one person in a hundred that's going to be even worse off than before.
MAY: She has a point there. One percent doesn't seem that small the larger the population that takes it. If ten thousand patients take this cure, one hundred of them are going to get killed by it. That's not pretty math. I'd be happier if out of the ten thousand, only one of them was getting knocked off.
JUNE: May!
DENNY: So you agree in the principle, just not the numbers.
MAY: I'm a realist but I like to have high standards.
DENNY: High standards from a fortune teller?
MAY: Told your fortune with great accuracy.
JUNE: You're both awful. Why wouldn't you try for the perfect solution?
MAY: Honey, welcome to Earth. This is just how the sucky place goes.
JUNE: With that attitude, it's going to stay that way.
DENNY: Well, this has been fun, but I'm gonna get some lunch.
MAY: Make sure to avoid the poultry. Wouldn't want that allergy to strike, would we?
DENNY: How did you kn-
MAY: Psychic.
DENNY: How can that be? He started this crap, why's he not here to see it through?
MAY: Perhaps he thinks the ideas will grow best if it's just us.
DENNY: Moron. If he really thinks there's gonna be thinking around here...
JUNE: Now you two actually look cuter together than with Brent.
DENNY: I-uh-what?
MAY: Sweetie, he's married.
JUNE: Oh! I'm so sorry!
DENNY: S'all right. You didn't know.
JUNE: Oh I knew that you were married. But from what May told me about your in-laws, I thought you were getting a divorce by now.
DENNY: Huh?
MAY: No thinking around here, you hit that one on the nose. To Dr. Stock's question: we just found a cure to an extreme medical condition (you can pick which one). The cure works but one percent of the users are suffering an equally extreme side effect. Is it still okay to release--
DENNY: Absolutely.
JUNE: That's so mean!
DENNY: What? That you just saved 99 people from cancer? Or AIDS? Or whatever it is that's causing excruciating pain and death?
JUNE: No, that you're still going to let that one person possibly die from the medicine.
DENNY: That person was going to die anyway from whatever was killing them. Wouldn't you rather take a chance with a majority probability of making it than not at all?
JUNE: It's still mean. You should be looking for something for something that cures everybody.
DENNY: Not gonna happen. Doesn't happen with ordinary medicine. Heck, it doesn't with everyday food. Take peanuts, for example. Plenty of people love to eat peanuts but there are some folks out there with peanut allergies. They get a snack with peanut oil in their system and BAM they're at the ER. Does that mean we should stop selling peanuts at the grocery store?
MAY: I honestly don't see the comparison between natural-grown food and invented medicine.
DENNY: It's about knowing how your body works. Before you take any new medication, go check with your doctor and see what they have to say about the medicine and whether it's right for you. Surely, there'll be indicators to tip them to what causes the bad reaction.
MAY: You're assuming that everybody does their research.
JUNE: It's still awful. I mean, they make it. Can't they make it work for everybody?
DENNY: Do you watch TV?
JUNE: My soap operas.
MAY: Not at all.
DENNY: Really? In this country?
MAY: It's a waste of time and is only propagating the moral decadence of today's society. Why watch it when you could be doing something productive?
JUNE: You told me you didn't watch TV because it made you so mad to see stupid people make more money than you doing much less.
DENNY: Point is, you've seen those medicine commercials, correct?
JUNE: Sure.
DENNY: Thirty seconds long, fifteen seconds devoted to all the possible side effects that can get you. These are for over-the-counter drugs! What's wrong with a pill or procedure that you would have to go through a doctor to get? Just take the warning, consider it, and move forward. It'd be nice to have more options for living.
JUNE: There's still that one person in a hundred that's going to be even worse off than before.
MAY: She has a point there. One percent doesn't seem that small the larger the population that takes it. If ten thousand patients take this cure, one hundred of them are going to get killed by it. That's not pretty math. I'd be happier if out of the ten thousand, only one of them was getting knocked off.
JUNE: May!
DENNY: So you agree in the principle, just not the numbers.
MAY: I'm a realist but I like to have high standards.
DENNY: High standards from a fortune teller?
MAY: Told your fortune with great accuracy.
JUNE: You're both awful. Why wouldn't you try for the perfect solution?
MAY: Honey, welcome to Earth. This is just how the sucky place goes.
JUNE: With that attitude, it's going to stay that way.
DENNY: Well, this has been fun, but I'm gonna get some lunch.
MAY: Make sure to avoid the poultry. Wouldn't want that allergy to strike, would we?
DENNY: How did you kn-
MAY: Psychic.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Avengers
I wasn't going to go see it. I wanted to, oh boy did I want to, but movie tickets are expensive. Much more so than they are where I last lived and I'm at a point in my life where every dime counts. Which sucks because I love going to the movies. I think it's jacked that movie tickets are competing with gasoline in how they seem to keep rising and don't get me started on the concession stands.
So when I get my paycheck and that little devil sitting on my shoulder says, "Go see this film," the angel on the other side says, "Wouldn't you rather have food in the cupboard and refrigerator this week?" Food wins that argument.
Until today. I picked up paycheck, saw how tiny it still was... and then I looked across the street at the movie theater and thought, Screw it. I'm watching The Avengers. This is one that must be seen on the big screen.
No regrets. Until next week when I open the last of my Oriental Flavor Ramen. Then I'll have to move onto the Chicken Flavor Ramen. Ah, cruel fate!
Here's the thing about The Avengers and why it's so great: it's standing on the shoulders of all the previous films and their achievements. Without an audience that had invested itself in the previous stories, this film would still be good but I doubt it would have as much power. And all the previous films have been leading up to this one: we've known The Avengers was happening since Iron Man (those patient enough to watch the epilogue after the credits.) The movie more than fulfilled our expectations that began in 2008.
Nobody needs to hear me rave about how The Avengers series has raised the bar not only for superhero movies but all movies in general (the Oscars will turn a blind eye but they're usually pretty dumb anyway.)
What I liked most was how Joss Whedon handled an ensemble cast and let everybody stay big, if not make them bigger. I mean, Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America already made a presence for themselves in prior films. But even though this story is not about them, it does them no disservice. Each of their personal stories in this still feels large.
I won't talk about plot, I'll just focus on characters and relationships:
I like how Tony Stark's personal life is going well; he's got his priorities completely on track and though his moments with Pepper Potts are short, their love for each other really makes the climax so poignant and heart-wrenching. I wouldn't have felt so attached to the ending without it.
Hulk was a surprise. I don't like the Hulk. I think the last two movies with him are stupid (though some pretty inventive action scenes.) No interest in watching the TV series. Bruce Banner/Hulk is really Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and the conflict never seems any deeper than that. The Hulk was my favorite character in this movie. Maybe it needed Joss Whedon's touch. Maybe it needed Mark Ruffalo to play Bruce Banner and provide the face for Hulk. Perhaps the script just let him do something important this time besides run away. Whatever it was, I cared about this character, was wowed by the stunts, and laughed like mad. How many can match Tony Stark for laughs?
Speaking of which, I never would have pictured Tony Stark and Bruce Banner being buddies but that was a very natural friendship. I want to see those two pair up more.
Captain America is once again a fish-out-of-water. But that's okay because he knows how to adapt and grow and he is still every inch the hero he was in the last film. In a way, he's the one I care the most about; I like having real good guys in a story, somebody without moral failings stand tall even when everything and everyone is against him.
Thor is the man but his character also depends the most on having watched his film first. Without that, I don't know how I would be invested in his story at all. In a way, this movie is the true finale to Thor.
Black Widow was in Iron Man 2. Good eye candy and some cool action sequences, but overall, a very shallow character. This movie, it's not like I cared about her as a human being but I was very intrigued. Before, she was just a very advanced spy/assassin with no depth. Now, she's an enigmatic figure that you don't want to cross.
Hawkeye was the true underdog here. He's the only Avenger without a prior film appearance and nobody but Black Widow to provide a link that he belongs on the team. Joss Whedon made all the right decisions in making him matter.
Agent Coulson has been in most of the prior films but was always easy to overlook. Everybody who watches the movie will know that he gave the story nobility.
Then there's Director Fury. Truth be told, I have the same trouble with Black Widow and Hawkeye that I have with him: it's tough to invest yourself into a spy character because they're all liars. If they weren't, they wouldn't be very good at their job. You might like them but you'll never trust them. (The reason I prefer Jason Bourne over James Bond is because Jason Bourne has an opportunity to stop living a lie whereas James Bond pours himself into that lifestyle.)
Still, even though Director Fury is a liar, I have to appreciate how he does what he can and then trust the good guys to be good. That's humility you don't find in many people in authority.
Now I'll have to choose between food and entertainment once The Dark Knight Rises comes out. <sigh>
So when I get my paycheck and that little devil sitting on my shoulder says, "Go see this film," the angel on the other side says, "Wouldn't you rather have food in the cupboard and refrigerator this week?" Food wins that argument.
Until today. I picked up paycheck, saw how tiny it still was... and then I looked across the street at the movie theater and thought, Screw it. I'm watching The Avengers. This is one that must be seen on the big screen.
No regrets. Until next week when I open the last of my Oriental Flavor Ramen. Then I'll have to move onto the Chicken Flavor Ramen. Ah, cruel fate!
Here's the thing about The Avengers and why it's so great: it's standing on the shoulders of all the previous films and their achievements. Without an audience that had invested itself in the previous stories, this film would still be good but I doubt it would have as much power. And all the previous films have been leading up to this one: we've known The Avengers was happening since Iron Man (those patient enough to watch the epilogue after the credits.) The movie more than fulfilled our expectations that began in 2008.
Nobody needs to hear me rave about how The Avengers series has raised the bar not only for superhero movies but all movies in general (the Oscars will turn a blind eye but they're usually pretty dumb anyway.)
What I liked most was how Joss Whedon handled an ensemble cast and let everybody stay big, if not make them bigger. I mean, Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America already made a presence for themselves in prior films. But even though this story is not about them, it does them no disservice. Each of their personal stories in this still feels large.
I won't talk about plot, I'll just focus on characters and relationships:
I like how Tony Stark's personal life is going well; he's got his priorities completely on track and though his moments with Pepper Potts are short, their love for each other really makes the climax so poignant and heart-wrenching. I wouldn't have felt so attached to the ending without it.
Hulk was a surprise. I don't like the Hulk. I think the last two movies with him are stupid (though some pretty inventive action scenes.) No interest in watching the TV series. Bruce Banner/Hulk is really Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and the conflict never seems any deeper than that. The Hulk was my favorite character in this movie. Maybe it needed Joss Whedon's touch. Maybe it needed Mark Ruffalo to play Bruce Banner and provide the face for Hulk. Perhaps the script just let him do something important this time besides run away. Whatever it was, I cared about this character, was wowed by the stunts, and laughed like mad. How many can match Tony Stark for laughs?
Speaking of which, I never would have pictured Tony Stark and Bruce Banner being buddies but that was a very natural friendship. I want to see those two pair up more.
Captain America is once again a fish-out-of-water. But that's okay because he knows how to adapt and grow and he is still every inch the hero he was in the last film. In a way, he's the one I care the most about; I like having real good guys in a story, somebody without moral failings stand tall even when everything and everyone is against him.
Thor is the man but his character also depends the most on having watched his film first. Without that, I don't know how I would be invested in his story at all. In a way, this movie is the true finale to Thor.
Black Widow was in Iron Man 2. Good eye candy and some cool action sequences, but overall, a very shallow character. This movie, it's not like I cared about her as a human being but I was very intrigued. Before, she was just a very advanced spy/assassin with no depth. Now, she's an enigmatic figure that you don't want to cross.
Hawkeye was the true underdog here. He's the only Avenger without a prior film appearance and nobody but Black Widow to provide a link that he belongs on the team. Joss Whedon made all the right decisions in making him matter.
Agent Coulson has been in most of the prior films but was always easy to overlook. Everybody who watches the movie will know that he gave the story nobility.
Then there's Director Fury. Truth be told, I have the same trouble with Black Widow and Hawkeye that I have with him: it's tough to invest yourself into a spy character because they're all liars. If they weren't, they wouldn't be very good at their job. You might like them but you'll never trust them. (The reason I prefer Jason Bourne over James Bond is because Jason Bourne has an opportunity to stop living a lie whereas James Bond pours himself into that lifestyle.)
Still, even though Director Fury is a liar, I have to appreciate how he does what he can and then trust the good guys to be good. That's humility you don't find in many people in authority.
Now I'll have to choose between food and entertainment once The Dark Knight Rises comes out. <sigh>
Question 4: Vacation
BRENT: I tried to get Denny for this topic today but he couldn't seem to tear himself away from the house. Something about yardwork and barbed wire fence... in the suburbs. I didn't ask.
MAY: So you can't lose money to me this time. Why did I come here?
BRENT: I said I'd buy you lunch.
MAY: All right, that works.
BRENT: So this question has a 50 First Dates tone to it. For those who may not have seen this Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore flick, Barrymore suffers an accident and banged her head so hard it fried her longterm memory. Every day she wakes up, she thinks it's her dad's birthday but once she goes to sleep, all memory of that day is wiped clean and she starts all over again. Sandler meets her after she's been afflicted like that for a couple years and falls in love. His challenge is to get her to fall in love with him every day since her memory of him is always wiped clean each morning.
MAY: Ugh. What a stupid premise.
BRENT: What do you mean? It's a good love story.
MAY: If you say. Sounds too unrealistic to me, almost at the level of a sci-fi flick.
BRENT: Since when are you a judge? You read peoples palms for a living.
MAY: I make my bills on time and have a little extra spending money on the side. How are you doing in your line of work?
BRENT: ... It's a good movie.
MAY: Okay, but you lost me at Adam Sandler.
BRENT: Your loss. So the question is, would you have the best year of your life, say an all-expense paid trip to a tropical island, meet wonderful people, eat exotic foods, do everything you want to do, learn great things, build relationships you'll always treasure, all good things you can imagine, would you do that if you knew your memory would be wiped clean after it was done?
MAY: I don't know how to answer that.
BRENT: Well, let's just take your own experiences. June told me you had a great vacation last year to the Bahamas. Best time of your life.
MAY: What are you talking about?
BRENT: June said you took a trip to the Bahamas.
MAY: No idea what you're referring to.
BRENT: Okay...
MAY: Now, I did take a trip to Bermuda...
BRENT: The site of many a horror story...
MAY: ...and had a good time there.
BRENT: So would you have made that trip even though you knew you'd forget it.
MAY: I suppose so.
BRENT: Why? If you forget the trip then what's the point of going?
MAY: I made ten thousand dollars on that trip. Whether I remember how or why I got doesn't matter, I still came home ten grand richer.
BRENT: It's just about the money with you, huh?
MAY: It gets me through many a lonely night.
BRENT: You ever read A Christmas Carol?
MAY: I don't celebrate Christmas.
BRENT: Right. You know, I probably would go for it too, although in my case, it's because...
MAY: (yawn)
BRENT: I'm sorry. Am I boring you.
MAY: Oh no, not at all. Go ahead, I always yawn when I'm getting hungry.
BRENT: I'd do the trip even if I would forget it, because I don't believe it's our memories
MAY: (yawn)
BRENT: that necessarily create our character. The experience itself creates...
MAY: (yaaaaaaawwwwwwwn)
BRENT: ... Why doesn't remembering a good experience matter to you?
MAY: I thought we were done with me. Aren't we getting lunch.
BRENT: ...
MAY: ...
BRENT: ...
MAY: ...
BRENT: ...
MAY: ... ... ... How do you do that? I've never met anybody who can stay so quiet and compell you to speak.
BRENT: ...
MAY: Fine! You want to know? I don't need to remember the good times because most days are generally good days. Many could be better but they could also be a whole lot worse. Some folks need a good memory to get them through overly tough times. I capitalize on these type of people. But for myself, I would rather remember the tough times because they remind me how good I've really got it. Satisfied.
BRENT: Well, it works.
MAY: Can we eat now?
BRENT: Sure.
MAY: You're not going to give your spiel.
BRENT: I don't know how much it'd matter if I did.
MAY: So you can't lose money to me this time. Why did I come here?
BRENT: I said I'd buy you lunch.
MAY: All right, that works.
BRENT: So this question has a 50 First Dates tone to it. For those who may not have seen this Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore flick, Barrymore suffers an accident and banged her head so hard it fried her longterm memory. Every day she wakes up, she thinks it's her dad's birthday but once she goes to sleep, all memory of that day is wiped clean and she starts all over again. Sandler meets her after she's been afflicted like that for a couple years and falls in love. His challenge is to get her to fall in love with him every day since her memory of him is always wiped clean each morning.
MAY: Ugh. What a stupid premise.
BRENT: What do you mean? It's a good love story.
MAY: If you say. Sounds too unrealistic to me, almost at the level of a sci-fi flick.
BRENT: Since when are you a judge? You read peoples palms for a living.
MAY: I make my bills on time and have a little extra spending money on the side. How are you doing in your line of work?
BRENT: ... It's a good movie.
MAY: Okay, but you lost me at Adam Sandler.
BRENT: Your loss. So the question is, would you have the best year of your life, say an all-expense paid trip to a tropical island, meet wonderful people, eat exotic foods, do everything you want to do, learn great things, build relationships you'll always treasure, all good things you can imagine, would you do that if you knew your memory would be wiped clean after it was done?
MAY: I don't know how to answer that.
BRENT: Well, let's just take your own experiences. June told me you had a great vacation last year to the Bahamas. Best time of your life.
MAY: What are you talking about?
BRENT: June said you took a trip to the Bahamas.
MAY: No idea what you're referring to.
BRENT: Okay...
MAY: Now, I did take a trip to Bermuda...
BRENT: The site of many a horror story...
MAY: ...and had a good time there.
BRENT: So would you have made that trip even though you knew you'd forget it.
MAY: I suppose so.
BRENT: Why? If you forget the trip then what's the point of going?
MAY: I made ten thousand dollars on that trip. Whether I remember how or why I got doesn't matter, I still came home ten grand richer.
BRENT: It's just about the money with you, huh?
MAY: It gets me through many a lonely night.
BRENT: You ever read A Christmas Carol?
MAY: I don't celebrate Christmas.
BRENT: Right. You know, I probably would go for it too, although in my case, it's because...
MAY: (yawn)
BRENT: I'm sorry. Am I boring you.
MAY: Oh no, not at all. Go ahead, I always yawn when I'm getting hungry.
BRENT: I'd do the trip even if I would forget it, because I don't believe it's our memories
MAY: (yawn)
BRENT: that necessarily create our character. The experience itself creates...
MAY: (yaaaaaaawwwwwwwn)
BRENT: ... Why doesn't remembering a good experience matter to you?
MAY: I thought we were done with me. Aren't we getting lunch.
BRENT: ...
MAY: ...
BRENT: ...
MAY: ...
BRENT: ...
MAY: ... ... ... How do you do that? I've never met anybody who can stay so quiet and compell you to speak.
BRENT: ...
MAY: Fine! You want to know? I don't need to remember the good times because most days are generally good days. Many could be better but they could also be a whole lot worse. Some folks need a good memory to get them through overly tough times. I capitalize on these type of people. But for myself, I would rather remember the tough times because they remind me how good I've really got it. Satisfied.
BRENT: Well, it works.
MAY: Can we eat now?
BRENT: Sure.
MAY: You're not going to give your spiel.
BRENT: I don't know how much it'd matter if I did.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Question 3: Regrets
BRENT: So this is the regrets discussion. Basically, you're going to die tonight and you have no way of getting in contact with anybody to let them know about it. What are you going to regret not telling someone the most? I have Denny and May returning for more abuse--
DENNY: Your abuse.
BRENT: --and they were pretty excited to be here.
DENNY: Better here than home.
BRENT: Why's that?
DENNY: It's my father-in-law's poker night but he had a fight with his wife so he occupied our dining room and invited all seven of his buddies in.
BRENT: You do realize that it's noon right now.
DENNY: And they will be at it till midnight.
BRENT: It's your house. Can't you and your wife tell him to get out.
DENNY: My wife is making snacks for them. She loves their company.
MAY: (chuckles)
DENNY: You can laugh for now but I honestly think that this is going to work out for the best.
MAY: How so?
DENNY: She's a terrible cook. After half of them catch food poisoning, there won't be anybody left who'll want to be within half a mile of our place.
BRENT: That's awful.
DENNY: Not as awful as her cooking.
MAY: I sense that you've survived her terrible cooking day-by-day.
DENNY: You should also sense that we've had eight dogs over the course of our marriage, all who begged at the table and the first seven are dead.
BRENT: Clearly this subject is timely.
MAY: It's age-old, actually. My business is dependent on people regretting the passing of their kin or kith.
DENNY: You're a psychic, right?
MAY: It's what I'm paid for.
DENNY: I'll bet anything you're a fraud.
MAY: You were bullied as a child but that didn't last forever. However, you couldn't stand your home life. Dad never hit you but he sure shoved all your failures down your throat daily. Constant cries to "man up," "useless," and "can't believe you're mine." But you said everything you needed to to him. You never see each other these days and that's fine with you both. Your regret is not telling your dad what you thought because you did and it didn't matter anyway, but not telling your mom that her outright acceptance of him was almost as bad as her letting you get away with whatever you wanted as a kid. She never gave you any discipline so you never appreciated the value of boundaries. If she'd actually been a parent, you would have noticed the red flags in all your prior social and romantic relationships and you wouldn't be in the same craphole place in life that you find yourself in now.
DENNY: (lips quiver) You're not a fraud. I-I-I need a moment to myself, please. [leaves]
BRENT: I really didn't think you'd convince him.
MAY: This is why I make the big bucks.
BRENT: How'd you do it?
MAY: A magician never tells her secrets.
BRENT: You're not a magician, you're a psychic.
MAY: Whatever. You lost the bet. Pay up.
BRENT: Why don't we do double or nothing? Guess what I regret not saying.
MAY: Sure. ...........Not giving an apology. Probably some age-old crap in middle school that the offended doesn't even remember. Whether you regret it because you offended that person or because you just feel stupid is up for debate.
BRENT: How do you do that?
MAY: Do you want the rundown on body language signals, fashion cues, general inference and my views on inductive and deductive reasoning, or should we go with the fact that I already live in your head?
BRENT: I want the rundown.
MAY: Too bad.
BRENT: So what's your regret?
MAY: Oh, please, you think I'm going to tell you. We just met last week. Now give me my money.
DENNY: Your abuse.
BRENT: --and they were pretty excited to be here.
DENNY: Better here than home.
BRENT: Why's that?
DENNY: It's my father-in-law's poker night but he had a fight with his wife so he occupied our dining room and invited all seven of his buddies in.
BRENT: You do realize that it's noon right now.
DENNY: And they will be at it till midnight.
BRENT: It's your house. Can't you and your wife tell him to get out.
DENNY: My wife is making snacks for them. She loves their company.
MAY: (chuckles)
DENNY: You can laugh for now but I honestly think that this is going to work out for the best.
MAY: How so?
DENNY: She's a terrible cook. After half of them catch food poisoning, there won't be anybody left who'll want to be within half a mile of our place.
BRENT: That's awful.
DENNY: Not as awful as her cooking.
MAY: I sense that you've survived her terrible cooking day-by-day.
DENNY: You should also sense that we've had eight dogs over the course of our marriage, all who begged at the table and the first seven are dead.
BRENT: Clearly this subject is timely.
MAY: It's age-old, actually. My business is dependent on people regretting the passing of their kin or kith.
DENNY: You're a psychic, right?
MAY: It's what I'm paid for.
DENNY: I'll bet anything you're a fraud.
MAY: You were bullied as a child but that didn't last forever. However, you couldn't stand your home life. Dad never hit you but he sure shoved all your failures down your throat daily. Constant cries to "man up," "useless," and "can't believe you're mine." But you said everything you needed to to him. You never see each other these days and that's fine with you both. Your regret is not telling your dad what you thought because you did and it didn't matter anyway, but not telling your mom that her outright acceptance of him was almost as bad as her letting you get away with whatever you wanted as a kid. She never gave you any discipline so you never appreciated the value of boundaries. If she'd actually been a parent, you would have noticed the red flags in all your prior social and romantic relationships and you wouldn't be in the same craphole place in life that you find yourself in now.
DENNY: (lips quiver) You're not a fraud. I-I-I need a moment to myself, please. [leaves]
BRENT: I really didn't think you'd convince him.
MAY: This is why I make the big bucks.
BRENT: How'd you do it?
MAY: A magician never tells her secrets.
BRENT: You're not a magician, you're a psychic.
MAY: Whatever. You lost the bet. Pay up.
BRENT: Why don't we do double or nothing? Guess what I regret not saying.
MAY: Sure. ...........Not giving an apology. Probably some age-old crap in middle school that the offended doesn't even remember. Whether you regret it because you offended that person or because you just feel stupid is up for debate.
BRENT: How do you do that?
MAY: Do you want the rundown on body language signals, fashion cues, general inference and my views on inductive and deductive reasoning, or should we go with the fact that I already live in your head?
BRENT: I want the rundown.
MAY: Too bad.
BRENT: So what's your regret?
MAY: Oh, please, you think I'm going to tell you. We just met last week. Now give me my money.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day 2012
I had another smartaleck poem in mind, kind of in the same vein as this past Easter, to both celebrate and mock the holiday in a clean, fun spirit. That changed this past Friday.
I was working at the register and I had this one lady in line who had only two books to check out. She had one of those smart phones and was trying to pull up an online coupon that would have saved her 20% and she spent well over twenty minutes trying to find it. Get this, twenty minutes in line for two stupid books. I had to keep calling an extra cashier to take care of the other customers because I'd already rung up her order. All because she couldn't find that online coupon. I was asking myself why she hadn't just printed it up like every other customer we'd had that day. It would have saved us a lot of time.
For ten minutes, it was me staring at her, her phone, my register or just anywhere in general. To say I was bored would be understating the fact. I wasn't annoyed; in the big scheme of things, this is nothing. Really, I was getting paid to stand there and wait on her. Cha-ching! But I was bored and I wondered why this mattered so much. I mean, I'm not the greatest with technology in the world but come on!
It went like this for the first ten minutes. I must have let out a quiet sigh because she finally looked me in the eye, ever so briefly, and said, "Did I mention that I'm getting a divorce?"
Boredom was gone. "No."
"He finally let me file for divorce this last week."
Let you file? So for the next ten to fifteen minutes, I just kept asking her questions. It wasn't my business and I'm not paid to find out about their personal lives, but she brought it up and something told me she wanted to talk to somebody, anybody, about what was going on. Here's what I learned:
She'd been married to an abusive husband for fifteen years. They had two sons (and while she never said so, I'm sure he abused them, too.) She had made excuses, thinking that much of it had been accidental but finally woke up. She had filed for a restraining order and it would go through in the next day or two. Until then, she and her boys were spending their nights in the master bedroom. Her husband had broken through before, so now the door was steel-reinforced and heavily-bolted so the creep couldn't get in. And the deal with the 20% coupon? Her husband had got into all of her online accounts and changed the passwords, just to mess with her. And she's not tech savvy so there was nothing she could do about it right then.
Towards the end of our talk, the line was starting to pick up again. I felt bad about calling in a cashier again because I was still with the same person for the last twenty minutes. I asked if she wanted to just delay the transaction until she could get the coupon up. She decided to just buy the books and come back later with the coupon for something else.
During that, she thanked me for being patient with her. I wanted to apologize for not being patient at all; I just don't talk all that much.
As I handed her her bag, I needed to say something to let her know I cared. All I could say was, "Cheer up. It does get better."
She smiled. "I know. Not all at once, but it does."
I doubt I'll ever see her again. That's life and it bothers me because that's not really what I meant to say. Or rather convey. "Cheer up" sounds so trite compared to what she's now going through and may yet have to endure until this monster in her life is banished and the trial has passed onto the next thing.
See, her story is not unique to me. I've had friends with even worse stories to tell, the abuses and injustices they've had to endure because the men in their lives were fiends and creeps of the worst sort. Some got out of it; others stayed or found something even worse.
This lady at my register has now joined the first camp, the ones who got out. That's a rough road to travel but it's worth it in the end and the destination is far better from where she started, not just for herself but for her children, too. Things usually don't change all at once (miracles do happen once in a while but most of the time, we have to slog through the trenches before we can breathe the clean air.) What I really wanted to say to her was that it didn't matter that she had stayed fifteen years because that was in the past. What mattered was what she was doing now, making the best change she could for the family she still had. I wanted to say, "I'm proud of you. I wish more were walking the same road you're walking on."
I don't know if that's supposed to be comforting. But whether or not, it's praiseworthy and she ought to know it.
So for all the good mothers out there making life better for themselves and for their families, Happy Mother's Day! Make it a good one.
I was working at the register and I had this one lady in line who had only two books to check out. She had one of those smart phones and was trying to pull up an online coupon that would have saved her 20% and she spent well over twenty minutes trying to find it. Get this, twenty minutes in line for two stupid books. I had to keep calling an extra cashier to take care of the other customers because I'd already rung up her order. All because she couldn't find that online coupon. I was asking myself why she hadn't just printed it up like every other customer we'd had that day. It would have saved us a lot of time.
For ten minutes, it was me staring at her, her phone, my register or just anywhere in general. To say I was bored would be understating the fact. I wasn't annoyed; in the big scheme of things, this is nothing. Really, I was getting paid to stand there and wait on her. Cha-ching! But I was bored and I wondered why this mattered so much. I mean, I'm not the greatest with technology in the world but come on!
It went like this for the first ten minutes. I must have let out a quiet sigh because she finally looked me in the eye, ever so briefly, and said, "Did I mention that I'm getting a divorce?"
Boredom was gone. "No."
"He finally let me file for divorce this last week."
Let you file? So for the next ten to fifteen minutes, I just kept asking her questions. It wasn't my business and I'm not paid to find out about their personal lives, but she brought it up and something told me she wanted to talk to somebody, anybody, about what was going on. Here's what I learned:
She'd been married to an abusive husband for fifteen years. They had two sons (and while she never said so, I'm sure he abused them, too.) She had made excuses, thinking that much of it had been accidental but finally woke up. She had filed for a restraining order and it would go through in the next day or two. Until then, she and her boys were spending their nights in the master bedroom. Her husband had broken through before, so now the door was steel-reinforced and heavily-bolted so the creep couldn't get in. And the deal with the 20% coupon? Her husband had got into all of her online accounts and changed the passwords, just to mess with her. And she's not tech savvy so there was nothing she could do about it right then.
Towards the end of our talk, the line was starting to pick up again. I felt bad about calling in a cashier again because I was still with the same person for the last twenty minutes. I asked if she wanted to just delay the transaction until she could get the coupon up. She decided to just buy the books and come back later with the coupon for something else.
During that, she thanked me for being patient with her. I wanted to apologize for not being patient at all; I just don't talk all that much.
As I handed her her bag, I needed to say something to let her know I cared. All I could say was, "Cheer up. It does get better."
She smiled. "I know. Not all at once, but it does."
I doubt I'll ever see her again. That's life and it bothers me because that's not really what I meant to say. Or rather convey. "Cheer up" sounds so trite compared to what she's now going through and may yet have to endure until this monster in her life is banished and the trial has passed onto the next thing.
See, her story is not unique to me. I've had friends with even worse stories to tell, the abuses and injustices they've had to endure because the men in their lives were fiends and creeps of the worst sort. Some got out of it; others stayed or found something even worse.
This lady at my register has now joined the first camp, the ones who got out. That's a rough road to travel but it's worth it in the end and the destination is far better from where she started, not just for herself but for her children, too. Things usually don't change all at once (miracles do happen once in a while but most of the time, we have to slog through the trenches before we can breathe the clean air.) What I really wanted to say to her was that it didn't matter that she had stayed fifteen years because that was in the past. What mattered was what she was doing now, making the best change she could for the family she still had. I wanted to say, "I'm proud of you. I wish more were walking the same road you're walking on."
I don't know if that's supposed to be comforting. But whether or not, it's praiseworthy and she ought to know it.
So for all the good mothers out there making life better for themselves and for their families, Happy Mother's Day! Make it a good one.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Question 2--The Supernatural
This topic is a fun one for me: it asks about your beliefs in the undead. I read lots of fantasy and watch plenty of sci-fi, but before I ever got into those genres, I was a sucker for a ghost story. I don't know what it is about the thing that goes bump in the night or what that scratching is behind the closet door, but it fascinates me. Even when that thing scares you, even when you know intellectually and in your gut that it's a Bad Thing and the Bad Thing will get you soon as you open the door, you push the fear aside and fling it open because you need to know, see with your own eyes what it is. Sometimes, I think fear is a magnet and it's drawn towards what's hidden in the shadows.
But does that translate to the real world? I mean, seriously, if even half of what happens in those spook stories were to happen in real life, nobody would be complaining about overpopulation.
Have I had encounters with the undead? Not at all. Met several over the years with stories, though: friends, classmates, a family member or two. Never a lot of people and I really only believe half of them have had experiences and the other half were either lying or duped.
So we're going to talk to a couple ladies who know more than me: May and June (who were neither born in May or June), a pair of sisters who claim to be experts on the subject.
JUNE: Not me. That would be May. She has all the books, the Tarot cards, glass ball, incense and that cute little fortuneteller's shop in that strip mall downtown. She has all those pretty fabrics, soft couches, and the like.
BRENT: So why are you here?
JUNE: I wanted to see my handiwork come together.
BRENT: ...what?
MAY: She's trying to hook us up.
JUNE: May! Not so forward.
MAY: It's the curse of people who've already been matched up. They have to stick their hands in and match everybody else up.
JUNE: It's not true. And besides, you two make a cute couple. You have so much in common.
MAY: Like what?
JUNE: You're both into ghosty stuff.
BRENT: Not really. I'm just trying to answer a question from a psychologist.
JUNE: So you're into psych stuff. And May is a psychic so it all works out!
BRENT: Are you really a psychic.
MAY: No, I just read folks like a book and take their money to make them feel good.
BRENT: Hope none of your customers read this blog.
MAY: With a blog your size, I don't think that'll be much of an issue. Besides, even if they did, I don't go by this name in my fortunetelling gig.
BRENT: So you don't believe in spirits.
MAY: I believe in money and money buys me spirits.
BRENT: Well, I think that's a wrap.
JUNE: Did you hear a "thump?"
MAY: I gotta get back to work.
JUNE: Here's her number. Give her a call!
BRENT: Right.
And that's how most of it seems to go. As soon as cash is on the table, all bets are off. My opinion, there are ghosts out there, I would not go out of my way to find them. I am not the type to sleep overnight in a haunted house, not because I believe it's haunted but because I'd rather sleep in my own bed. I only trust people who are not trying to make a buck when it comes to the supernatural. Even then, I use discretion. You never know when your friend is just an idiot.
What was that "thump?"
But does that translate to the real world? I mean, seriously, if even half of what happens in those spook stories were to happen in real life, nobody would be complaining about overpopulation.
Have I had encounters with the undead? Not at all. Met several over the years with stories, though: friends, classmates, a family member or two. Never a lot of people and I really only believe half of them have had experiences and the other half were either lying or duped.
So we're going to talk to a couple ladies who know more than me: May and June (who were neither born in May or June), a pair of sisters who claim to be experts on the subject.
JUNE: Not me. That would be May. She has all the books, the Tarot cards, glass ball, incense and that cute little fortuneteller's shop in that strip mall downtown. She has all those pretty fabrics, soft couches, and the like.
BRENT: So why are you here?
JUNE: I wanted to see my handiwork come together.
BRENT: ...what?
MAY: She's trying to hook us up.
JUNE: May! Not so forward.
MAY: It's the curse of people who've already been matched up. They have to stick their hands in and match everybody else up.
JUNE: It's not true. And besides, you two make a cute couple. You have so much in common.
MAY: Like what?
JUNE: You're both into ghosty stuff.
BRENT: Not really. I'm just trying to answer a question from a psychologist.
JUNE: So you're into psych stuff. And May is a psychic so it all works out!
BRENT: Are you really a psychic.
MAY: No, I just read folks like a book and take their money to make them feel good.
BRENT: Hope none of your customers read this blog.
MAY: With a blog your size, I don't think that'll be much of an issue. Besides, even if they did, I don't go by this name in my fortunetelling gig.
BRENT: So you don't believe in spirits.
MAY: I believe in money and money buys me spirits.
BRENT: Well, I think that's a wrap.
JUNE: Did you hear a "thump?"
MAY: I gotta get back to work.
JUNE: Here's her number. Give her a call!
BRENT: Right.
And that's how most of it seems to go. As soon as cash is on the table, all bets are off. My opinion, there are ghosts out there, I would not go out of my way to find them. I am not the type to sleep overnight in a haunted house, not because I believe it's haunted but because I'd rather sleep in my own bed. I only trust people who are not trying to make a buck when it comes to the supernatural. Even then, I use discretion. You never know when your friend is just an idiot.
What was that "thump?"
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Question 1
To reiterate yesterday's post, I am going to answer every question in Gregory Stock's book, The Book of Questions. It's a very fascinating book and I suggest you buy it and have many stimulating conversations with your family and friends (see this? I'm advertising--for free even! His publishers better send me a thank-you note, you know, someday in the future.)
And to help me in answering these questions, I'll be inviting the people who live in my head to join me in the conversation (no I am not seeing a therapist; how dare that cross your mind.) Today, I'm introducing Waldo Dent, a nice enough guy who hates his first name. I call him Denny. He's not too fond of that either. How are you, Denny?
DENNY: Seriously? You can't have these conversations in real life so you're vicariously experiencing this through the blog which the general public has no knowledge and probably no interest in--
BRENT: Thanks for being here, Denny!
DENNY: You suck.
BRENT: So, I'm not going to use the exact wording on these questions here (I don't want to get sued or nothing; I'd rather people bought Stock's book and followed along that way) but here is the first question in a nutshell: Would you leave your family and friends for your true love? I think this is a really good question for you since you're married?
DENNY: Yeah.
BRENT: How many years now?
DENNY: Since I just popped out of your head, it's looking like a grand total of two minutes.
BRENT: Wonderful. Now how long, really?
DENNY: Three years, give or take a week.
BRENT: Oh, is your anniversary coming up?
DENNY: I dunno. Probably.
BRENT: Won't you get in trouble with your wife for this?
DENNY: No. I plan ahead for these situations. I bought five years worth of Christmas cards, Easter cards, birthday and anniversary cards, all signed and sealed in their pastel envelopes. Whichever occasion comes up, my wife will undoubtedly mention the event and I find the right card to give to her.
BRENT: Five years worth of cards? Nothing more?
DENNY: I have $50 gift cards for J.C. Penny and Ross in the cards.
BRENT: And she's fine with that?
DENNY: Considering how much shopping she does, oh yeah. Those cards are all the excuse she needs. I won't see her for two days after she sees those cards.
BRENT: Uh-huh. About the question...
DENNY: If she asked me to leave the country to be with her, I'd totally do it.
BRENT: I'm sure she'd be happy to hear that.
DENNY: Oh, heck, I wouldn't do it for her. I'd do it for me. My family is nuts; those millions of miles are barely enough to keep them at bay. I almost wish she had asked me to; it would be all enough of an excuse to cut them off from all contact.
BRENT: ...I guess I'm sorry things didn't work out that way.
DENNY: It's all right. My parents don't like her so they generally stay away by themselves. They only call on my birthday, mostly to remind me that if we haven't given them grandchildren, it's okay for me to dump her, go back home and try again with somebody else.
BRENT: So in a way, you've already moved to your foreign country.
DENNY: And life is beautiful. ...Well, it's all right.
BRENT: Would your wife move to a foreign country for you?
DENNY: Absolutely not.
BRENT: How come?
DENNY: She's way attached to her folks. I can't get her to go anywhere away from them for more than an hour. Our first year of marriage was spent at her house, in the bedroom next to theirs. I finally got us to move one street over, and wouldn't you know it, the house next-door to us was also for sale. Her parents bought that place and moved in with us. She still runs to her mom when she has a nightmare. I wake up every other morning to find her gone to her folks place.
BRENT: ...and I guess that's all the time we have for today.
DENNY: What about you?
BRENT: What about me?
DENNY: You haven't answered the question.
BRENT: Oh. I guess I could.
DENNY: You guess?
BRENT: It's not leaving family and friends behind that I mind. It's moving in general that I hate. There is so much packing involved just for an overnighter twenty minutes away. Packing for another country? The thought makes me cringe.
DENNY: But this is true love we're talking about. Shouldn't true love conquer moving qualms?
BRENT: Only if marriage is on the table. Anything less than that, if we break up, I'm stuck in a craphole country not knowing the language, stuck with a craphole job and no family or friends to take me in in my poor, depressed, lovesick condition.
DENNY: You don't take many risks, do you?
BRENT: What? I am totally a risk taker. Do you see this? I'm baring my soul on the internet here.
DENNY: You had one serious sentence in the whole dialogue. And good luck to your readers figuring out which sentence it was.
BRENT: It looks like two serious sentences now.
DENNY: Whoop-de-do. I'll bet they still can't guess which ones they are. I'm hungry, what's for dinner?
BRENT: Bacon.
DENNY: Not for you, for me.
BRENT: Whatever your wife fixed, I guess.
DENNY: Oh please, she's eating her mom's cooking as we speak. I'll bet you anything on that.
BRENT: You could always go over to her parents' place for dinner then.
DENNY: Yeah. I married her to get away from my family's craziness but it turns out that her folks have their own brand of nutso as well.
BRENT: Imagine that.
DENNY: I know. I wish somebody had warned me before we tied the knot.
BRENT: Didn't you meet with them before the wedding day?
DENNY: Nah. My wife was always nervous about my first impressions; she said she wanted it to be a surprise.
And to help me in answering these questions, I'll be inviting the people who live in my head to join me in the conversation (no I am not seeing a therapist; how dare that cross your mind.) Today, I'm introducing Waldo Dent, a nice enough guy who hates his first name. I call him Denny. He's not too fond of that either. How are you, Denny?
DENNY: Seriously? You can't have these conversations in real life so you're vicariously experiencing this through the blog which the general public has no knowledge and probably no interest in--
BRENT: Thanks for being here, Denny!
DENNY: You suck.
BRENT: So, I'm not going to use the exact wording on these questions here (I don't want to get sued or nothing; I'd rather people bought Stock's book and followed along that way) but here is the first question in a nutshell: Would you leave your family and friends for your true love? I think this is a really good question for you since you're married?
DENNY: Yeah.
BRENT: How many years now?
DENNY: Since I just popped out of your head, it's looking like a grand total of two minutes.
BRENT: Wonderful. Now how long, really?
DENNY: Three years, give or take a week.
BRENT: Oh, is your anniversary coming up?
DENNY: I dunno. Probably.
BRENT: Won't you get in trouble with your wife for this?
DENNY: No. I plan ahead for these situations. I bought five years worth of Christmas cards, Easter cards, birthday and anniversary cards, all signed and sealed in their pastel envelopes. Whichever occasion comes up, my wife will undoubtedly mention the event and I find the right card to give to her.
BRENT: Five years worth of cards? Nothing more?
DENNY: I have $50 gift cards for J.C. Penny and Ross in the cards.
BRENT: And she's fine with that?
DENNY: Considering how much shopping she does, oh yeah. Those cards are all the excuse she needs. I won't see her for two days after she sees those cards.
BRENT: Uh-huh. About the question...
DENNY: If she asked me to leave the country to be with her, I'd totally do it.
BRENT: I'm sure she'd be happy to hear that.
DENNY: Oh, heck, I wouldn't do it for her. I'd do it for me. My family is nuts; those millions of miles are barely enough to keep them at bay. I almost wish she had asked me to; it would be all enough of an excuse to cut them off from all contact.
BRENT: ...I guess I'm sorry things didn't work out that way.
DENNY: It's all right. My parents don't like her so they generally stay away by themselves. They only call on my birthday, mostly to remind me that if we haven't given them grandchildren, it's okay for me to dump her, go back home and try again with somebody else.
BRENT: So in a way, you've already moved to your foreign country.
DENNY: And life is beautiful. ...Well, it's all right.
BRENT: Would your wife move to a foreign country for you?
DENNY: Absolutely not.
BRENT: How come?
DENNY: She's way attached to her folks. I can't get her to go anywhere away from them for more than an hour. Our first year of marriage was spent at her house, in the bedroom next to theirs. I finally got us to move one street over, and wouldn't you know it, the house next-door to us was also for sale. Her parents bought that place and moved in with us. She still runs to her mom when she has a nightmare. I wake up every other morning to find her gone to her folks place.
BRENT: ...and I guess that's all the time we have for today.
DENNY: What about you?
BRENT: What about me?
DENNY: You haven't answered the question.
BRENT: Oh. I guess I could.
DENNY: You guess?
BRENT: It's not leaving family and friends behind that I mind. It's moving in general that I hate. There is so much packing involved just for an overnighter twenty minutes away. Packing for another country? The thought makes me cringe.
DENNY: But this is true love we're talking about. Shouldn't true love conquer moving qualms?
BRENT: Only if marriage is on the table. Anything less than that, if we break up, I'm stuck in a craphole country not knowing the language, stuck with a craphole job and no family or friends to take me in in my poor, depressed, lovesick condition.
DENNY: You don't take many risks, do you?
BRENT: What? I am totally a risk taker. Do you see this? I'm baring my soul on the internet here.
DENNY: You had one serious sentence in the whole dialogue. And good luck to your readers figuring out which sentence it was.
BRENT: It looks like two serious sentences now.
DENNY: Whoop-de-do. I'll bet they still can't guess which ones they are. I'm hungry, what's for dinner?
BRENT: Bacon.
DENNY: Not for you, for me.
BRENT: Whatever your wife fixed, I guess.
DENNY: Oh please, she's eating her mom's cooking as we speak. I'll bet you anything on that.
BRENT: You could always go over to her parents' place for dinner then.
DENNY: Yeah. I married her to get away from my family's craziness but it turns out that her folks have their own brand of nutso as well.
BRENT: Imagine that.
DENNY: I know. I wish somebody had warned me before we tied the knot.
BRENT: Didn't you meet with them before the wedding day?
DENNY: Nah. My wife was always nervous about my first impressions; she said she wanted it to be a surprise.
Monday, May 7, 2012
The New Deal
So I am a complete liar. Here I am saying that I'm going to post twice a week and here I barely make my Tuesday posts. Now I could excuse myself by saying that I have a new job and am still spending time looking for another one (true), that I've been involved in other church and other social activities (true and half-true), and that in the moments when I actually slow down I'm going over my finances again and again daily until I hyperventilate and pass out next to my mattress at the sheer shock of how poor I am and how pathetic and small my life has gotten (and wow is this the longest sentence of whining I've ever seen written from my own hand) but I would also be leaving out the other side of the story that with all the busy stuff I'm also an insomniac and still manage to have plenty of downtime for reading books, reading webcomics and new comics (there is a new one out called Heavenly Nostrils, which has been out for a couple weeks about a girl who makes friends with a unicorn in a very Calvin and Hobbes fashion, although we have still to meet this girl's parents) and despite the fact that I deleted almost all the games on my computer the first week I got it (especially Minesweeper because it sucks your soul) I left Mahjong Titans and get compulsively stuck to Fortress, Dragon and Spider (Turtle when I want a challenge; I refuse to play Cat or Crab because they are way too easy to win) and it's so stupid that I'm playing Mahjong because there is no sense of accomplishment when I win since my fingers automatically press the NEXT GAME button and my life continues to pass me by, and I have tried to delete the game but apparently I waited too long because whenever I try now, it refuses to leave the folder, a clear sign that a demon has infested the game and is determined to undermine my too-late sense of responsibility to keep myself free from distraction; and of course, I'm on Hulu all the time now (I just finished watching all five seasons of The Guild; I can't believe how I've missed watching that show until recently, it's so freaking hilarious!) that in the end, I have to own up to the fact that I'm a flake and haven't been able to commit to my online self-induced obligations to my (currently) audience of six-and-a-half people (wow, forget the length of whining, this is just the longest sentence period; holy crap, Victor Hugo would be so proud.)
I soon realized that it wasn't entirely that I can't commit or was overwhelmed, I realized that I was mostly just out of ideas of things to talk about. I mean, I can talk about writing and make book recommendations till I'm blue in the face (or until my fingers fall off... which makes a lot more sense given the medium of communication that I'm using) frankly, that just bores me. I mean, since I haven't been paid to be published yet, what new things do I really have to offer on the craft of storytelling? I mean, heck, Wikipedia can tell the facts on narrative better than I can.
So I was out of ideas the other morning and walked into the dining room when I saw one of my roommate's books on the table. It's a pocket-sized thing called The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D. It's a list of 217 questions to ask in conversation; they are deep-thinking questions designed to ignite soul-searching and real get-to-know-you type discussions. I looked over all those questions and said to myself, "Hey, these are good questions. I'm gonna answer all these questions on my blog."
This should be, right?
Right?
I soon realized that it wasn't entirely that I can't commit or was overwhelmed, I realized that I was mostly just out of ideas of things to talk about. I mean, I can talk about writing and make book recommendations till I'm blue in the face (or until my fingers fall off... which makes a lot more sense given the medium of communication that I'm using) frankly, that just bores me. I mean, since I haven't been paid to be published yet, what new things do I really have to offer on the craft of storytelling? I mean, heck, Wikipedia can tell the facts on narrative better than I can.
So I was out of ideas the other morning and walked into the dining room when I saw one of my roommate's books on the table. It's a pocket-sized thing called The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D. It's a list of 217 questions to ask in conversation; they are deep-thinking questions designed to ignite soul-searching and real get-to-know-you type discussions. I looked over all those questions and said to myself, "Hey, these are good questions. I'm gonna answer all these questions on my blog."
This should be, right?
Right?
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
April 2012
Despite the number of volumes I'm adding, the truth is that I did not read all that much this month. Most of these are comic books and those do not require a huge investment of time as a regular novel will (although they sure can pack a punch in ten pages that takes many novels a hundred to pull off.)
Novels: Serenity by Keith R.A. DeCandido (adapted from the movie); Catching Fire and Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins; The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara
Graphic Novels: Ranma 1/2: Vol. 7, 8, 15, 21-23, 25-31, 33; Maison Ikkoku: Vol. 3 & 5; and Mermaid Saga: Vol. 1 & 3 by Rumiko Takahashi (I think she may be the best romance storyteller today); Showcase Presents: Batgirl Vol. 1; and The Dreaming Collection by Queenie Chan (an awesome ghost story with some very dramatic characters and a plot that kept me guessing to the end.)
I don't know how much reading I'll get done this coming month. As things look, I'm probably going to be reading more nonfiction than anything else. But life is getting in the way. It's the main reason I didn't post at all last week and I'm hoping that I can get through life in a decent manner in the coming weeks. Heaven knows I won't stop reading entirely. I just hope I don't push it past excess.
Novels: Serenity by Keith R.A. DeCandido (adapted from the movie); Catching Fire and Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins; The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara
Graphic Novels: Ranma 1/2: Vol. 7, 8, 15, 21-23, 25-31, 33; Maison Ikkoku: Vol. 3 & 5; and Mermaid Saga: Vol. 1 & 3 by Rumiko Takahashi (I think she may be the best romance storyteller today); Showcase Presents: Batgirl Vol. 1; and The Dreaming Collection by Queenie Chan (an awesome ghost story with some very dramatic characters and a plot that kept me guessing to the end.)
I don't know how much reading I'll get done this coming month. As things look, I'm probably going to be reading more nonfiction than anything else. But life is getting in the way. It's the main reason I didn't post at all last week and I'm hoping that I can get through life in a decent manner in the coming weeks. Heaven knows I won't stop reading entirely. I just hope I don't push it past excess.
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