Question 3: Regrets

BRENT: So this is the regrets discussion.  Basically, you're going to die tonight and you have no way of getting in contact with anybody to let them know about it.  What are you going to regret not telling someone the most?  I have Denny and May returning for more abuse--

DENNY: Your abuse.

BRENT: --and they were pretty excited to be here.

DENNY: Better here than home.

BRENT: Why's that?

DENNY: It's my father-in-law's poker night but he had a fight with his wife so he occupied our dining room and invited all seven of his buddies in.

BRENT: You do realize that it's noon right now.

DENNY: And they will be at it till midnight.

BRENT: It's your house.  Can't you and your wife tell him to get out.

DENNY: My wife is making snacks for them.  She loves their company.

MAY: (chuckles)

DENNY: You can laugh for now but I honestly think that this is going to work out for the best.

MAY: How so?

DENNY: She's a terrible cook.  After half of them catch food poisoning, there won't be anybody left who'll want to be within half a mile of our place.

BRENT: That's awful.

DENNY: Not as awful as her cooking.

MAY: I sense that you've survived her terrible cooking day-by-day.

DENNY: You should also sense that we've had eight dogs over the course of our marriage, all who begged at the table and the first seven are dead.

BRENT: Clearly this subject is timely.

MAY: It's age-old, actually.  My business is dependent on people regretting the passing of their kin or kith.

DENNY: You're a psychic, right?

MAY: It's what I'm paid for.

DENNY: I'll bet anything you're a fraud.

MAY: You were bullied as a child but that didn't last forever.  However, you couldn't stand your home life.  Dad never hit you but he sure shoved all your failures down your throat daily.  Constant cries to "man up," "useless," and "can't believe you're mine."  But you said everything you needed to to him.  You never see each other these days and that's fine with you both.  Your regret is not telling your dad what you thought because you did and it didn't matter anyway, but not telling your mom that her outright acceptance of him was almost as bad as her letting you get away with whatever you wanted as a kid.  She never gave you any discipline so you never appreciated the value of boundaries.  If she'd actually been a parent, you would have noticed the red flags in all your prior social and romantic relationships and you wouldn't be in the same craphole place in life that you find yourself in now.

DENNY: (lips quiver) You're not a fraud.  I-I-I need a moment to myself, please.  [leaves]

BRENT: I really didn't think you'd convince him.

MAY: This is why I make the big bucks.

BRENT: How'd you do it?

MAY: A magician never tells her secrets.

BRENT: You're not a magician, you're a psychic.

MAY: Whatever.  You lost the bet.  Pay up.

BRENT: Why don't we do double or nothing?  Guess what I regret not saying.

MAY: Sure. ...........Not giving an apology.  Probably some age-old crap in middle school that the offended doesn't even remember.  Whether you regret it because you offended that person or because you just feel stupid is up for debate.

BRENT: How do you do that?

MAY: Do you want the rundown on body language signals, fashion cues, general inference and my views on inductive and deductive reasoning, or should we go with the fact that I already live in your head?

BRENT: I want the rundown.

MAY: Too bad.

BRENT: So what's your regret?

MAY: Oh, please, you think I'm going to tell you.  We just met last week.  Now give me my money.