Paperman and Wreck-It Ralph

I love how Disney gives us shorts before their main feature.  Best decision they’ve made in the last decade and because of that decision, we have “The Paperman”, which is likely going to be my favorite romance of this year.  This short alone is worth your ticket price.

Or if you’re not as adamant as me, you can always go with my cousin’s mantra: “Better love story than Twilight.”

I was so happy about this movie that I almost forgot how bad Wreck-It Ralph is.  And before I get any hate posts, let me say that the feature was cute.  The glitch girl was easily my favorite thing about this: she was funny, sweet, when she cried I wanted to cry and when she was happy, I couldn’t help but root for her.  The love story between Fix-It Felix and the super soldier was awesome.  And the Race-Car world was fantastically designed.  There was nothing about it that didn’t charm me, from the Twizzler vines to the NesQuik Sand, the Oreo guards to the exploding Mentos.  Everything about it was genius.

What’s my problem with the film?  I couldn’t turn my brain off.

Usually, I can suspend disbelief easily especially when I understand the rules and the rules are consistent.  Nothing here is.  Apparently, they don’t exist unless they’ve been programmed, fair enough.  So how does the gate guard exist?  In fact, why does that train station exist at all?  It’s just an outlet with more wires, not a programmed and complicated game.

The Soldier Girl was “written” a tragic backstory, meaning that none of it ever really happened, she was just programmed to feel that way.  That felt more than a little manipulative and was only played for laughs, not for any serious connection to the audience.

The bugs were the worst.  They’re a computer virus?  Really?  If that were true, that arcade shooter would have crashed way too long before.  The only reason for them to exist is that they were programmed into the game like all the other villains, in which case, why are they any scarier than Bowser?  Ridiculous.

And in the end, everything that was good about this film has been done better by Pixar already.  The Bad Guy group therapy smacks of the shark rehabilitation in Finding Nemo.  The giant guarding the little girl is so Monster’s, Inc.  And of course, anything about the inanimate having life doesn’t come close to the bar set by Toy Story.

I’m also a grump.  Take it for what it is.